Random Thoughts V

And now, joining us from a keyboard near you, the internet presents –

Me! Hi world!

*waves enthusiastically*

But you knew that already.

Okay, I’ll be frank. These opening lines are hard to come up with. What should I say to kick things off?

Winter is coming? Not where I live.

Use the Force? Believe me, I would if I could.

Expecto Patronum! I loved the idea of having a symbolic spirit animal. I’m pretty sure mine would be something with wings.

There. All of those seem appropriate. Why, you ask?

They’re completely random. Didn’t you see the title?

It’s time for some random thoughts.

So – I’ve just finished reading The Martian. 

In a not-too-distant future, Mark Watney is one of a crew of astronauts meant to spend a month on Mars. The mission is scrubbed due to a dust storm beyond anything NASA anticipated. As the team is heading for their ship, Watney is hit by debris and lost from view. The others are forced to abandon him. Everyone thinks he’s dead…

But he’s not.

Now, with limited supplies, Mark has to survive on Mars long enough for the next mission to come along and save him. Which will take years.

It’s a lost-in-space story, in other words. Things often get technical, dealing with physics, mathematics, chemistry and so on. All the knowledge you’d need to keep yourself alive on another planet. Clearly a lot of research went into this. On its own, I daresay it could even get dull.

But it doesn’t get dull – because the hero is anything but.

Mark Watney is a smart guy. His resourcefulness and ingenuity under pressure is impressive enough. But what makes him compelling is his personality. He’s funny.

He’s kind of a smartass, actually.

Despite the odds against his survival, he approaches it all with an irreverent sense of humour and gritty optimism. He doesn’t despair, even in situations where most people would be thinking, this is it. He figures things out. He keeps working, moving, progressing.

I liked that.

I used to have a thing for grim heroes. Those who rarely smile and struggle under their many burdens. The more lighthearted kind, I figured, were hopelessly cliché, a remnant of childhood. The serious ones were more realistic, more relatable. They were cool.

And they’re still cool. But now I see them both in a different light.

Heroism is the willingness to keep going despite the odds. Yes? I realize now that this includes your attitude. I used to think optimism was just part of someone’s character. Either you had it or you didn’t.

But it’s not that simple, is it? There’s a struggle there. Staying positive is harder than it looks.

I guess I’ve come full circle here. But the depth I once saw in brooding heroes, I now see in the smiling ones instead. It can be hard to keep smiling. And seeing someone do it, staying positive despite the odds – that’s inspiring. It makes you think that maybe you can do it too.

Mark Watney is that kind of hero.

Thus inspired, I even watched the movie. It’s not bad. Matt Damon does the character justice. But inevitably, his many challenges are streamlined. There’s a greater emphasis on the drama, less on the humour. What can I say? The book was better. Go read it.

Here’s the first chapter to get you started.

Next, character of a different kind.

A few years back, I came across a book called Waiter Rant: an expose of what it’s really like waiting tables for a living in the US. Adapted from his blog of the same name, the titular waiter was ranting about customers from hell. Naturally he hid all identities, his own included. Fake names for everyone.

Right, so his name’s Steve Dublanica. The book was a huge success. Kind of hard to keep yourself hidden after that. Apparently he was even featured on Oprah. I wouldn’t have known. I didn’t watch Oprah.

The details of the food and beverage industry alone were intriguing. What was this arbitrary ‘tipping’ business I kept hearing about? Over there, people can actually choose how much they want to pay you? What’s up with that?

But just as important was the author himself, speaking candidly about his own self-doubt, growing cynicism, and the knowledge that his was a job with no future. By his own admission, he could be kind of a jerk. But he was honest, and I liked that. I liked his voice.

Oh. I should explain. In creative writing, your voice is basically your own unique style/tone/methodology – sorry, it’s an elusive quality – developed through practice. Lots and lots of practice.*

Which he must have gotten through his blog. He’s still running it. No, he’s not a waiter anymore. His posts are now few and far between. But I just spent a few days reading the last few years’ worth, and that’s something I almost never do. He’s that good.

Go read this one, for his point of view on a famous parable. I have to admit, it makes sense. And this one, because it spoke to me on many levels. He’s right. We all have moments like that.

And this one, because I had to make an effort not to burst out laughing over it in public. Even now it cracks me up.

*contented sigh*

Yeah, I’m probably going to hell.

Thirdly – I’ve recently gotten a PlayStation 4. Secondhand, so relatively cheap. And I sold my last console to pay for it, which means that most of the money I spent on that years ago has gone towards this as well. Bottom line, it cost me far less than I ever thought possible. My inner child has been squealing with joy ever since. He still hasn’t stopped. Hey, quiet down in there.

Ahem.

The PS4 is Sony’s flagship video game console, of the eighth and current generation. For nearly twenty years, the console wars have been dominated by three companies: Sony, Microsoft and Nintendo. Of the current generation, in terms of both sales and technology, the PS4 is number one. It’s the best there is.

Now, I could go on and on about the amazing graphics**, technical capabilities, and many cool features. It supports Spotify! That’s just awesome.

But it also means something more than that.

See, over my many years of gaming, with a few exceptions – I’ve always been behind the times.

That is to say, I’ve (almost) never had the hardware for the newest games. I was always one or two generations behind. Not that that made a difference. Good games are good games, technical constraints notwithstanding. But there was always something better on the horizon.

Now I’ve reached the horizon. For the first time, I can actually play the newest games as soon as they’re released.

I’ve caught up.

Not that I could go on a shopping spree or anything. These things are expensive. But it's nice being on the cutting edge for once. One or two is more than enough.

Mass Effect: Andromeda, here I come.

Meanwhile, another cool feature of the PS4: it takes screenshots. Now I can write about this stuff and post my own pictures.

*grins*

Coming soon.

And lastly. How about some music?

Something different this time. Let’s go country.

Now in general, I’m indifferent to the genre. And to the singer, before or after she dropped her Disney-girl persona. But I like this song. It’s about parents, and hope for the future, and the ephemeral nature of childhood.

It’s a bedtime song. Fitting I guess, since I'm writing this at night, with rain outside my window. I like the rain at night. There's something comforting about it. This song gives me the same feeling.

It’s called ‘Butterfly Fly Away’.

* I think I’ve found mine. Though a writer’s voice is much more than this; assuming you know me, can you hear my actual voice making these stupid jokes and earnest observations and talking to you right now? 

*smirks* 

Yeah. I thought so too.

**Pretty. No, really. Pretttttty.

Down the Rabbit Hole

Told you I’d be back. Come with me if you want to live.

Anyone?

No one? Well, I was never into those movies anyway.

This post is again inspired by Gretchen Rubin. Her work is still foremost in my mind at the moment. Obligatory promo: go check out her blog. There. Promo over.

Now, today’s entry is a little more…sober…than usual.

One list of the author’s intrigued me: what she calls her Secrets of Adulthood. These aren’t just general truisms, but her own life lessons learned through experience. It’s ok to ask for help; the path to happiness doesn’t always make you feel happy; you can’t change children’s natures by nagging them; and so on. One featured in The Happiness Project struck a chord with me:

What’s fun for other people may not be fun for you, and vice versa.

Which seemed obvious at first. Not everyone is a bookworm, for instance. I’m rarely interested in sports. Then I realized that I have a more meaningful example.

I’m going to tell you a story.

I first started drinking in my teens. It was as much due to peer pressure as anything else. The effects confused me. Wasn’t this something people did for fun?

So why did it make me depressed?

The advice I got wasn’t all that reassuring – that when drinking, it’s important to control your emotions. Enjoy the moment. Think positive. I had two reactions: If drinking lowers your inhibitions, and I had to make an effort to think positive while drinking, did that mean I was already depressed?

And why make the effort anyway? I figured either you liked it, or you didn’t.

And I didn’t like it.

That is to say – I liked the adventure of it all. The clubs, the nightlife, being out most of the night. It was novel. It made me nervous, sure. This was all new territory, and I wasn’t exactly the most social person growing up. But looking back, I’m glad for the experience.

And there were good times, too. When the buzz, the setting and my mood lined up, and I caught myself having fun.

There were just more bad times than good ones.

Now, the science backs me up here. Alcohol is a depressant. It can exacerbate existing depression, or even cause it. I’m leery of saying I was depressed. But I did have low moments. And more often than not, drinking seemed to cause them.

I suppose the sensation could be compared to jumping off a cliff. A brief high of weightlessness, followed by plunging into the void.

Though there were other factors, too.

That bit about controlling your emotions? That’s true to a point. By now I’ve learned to regulate my mood to some extent. Mindfulness in general helps, as well as cutting off darker lines of thought. Telling yourself, I’m not going to go there. I am better at these things now than I used to be. It works – somewhat.

But do you see the problem here? Alcohol reduces your inhibitions. It lowers your control, which makes it that much harder to keep your mind in check.

Another, perhaps more important factor, was the company. During those early years, I was the tagalong. The people I drank with were nice enough, but I barely had anything in common with them. I felt like an outsider. I felt alone.

Which was partly on me. Though it stung, a lesson I’ll always remember was the time someone told me – I paraphrase – I know you feel left out. But why don’t you join in?

It’s a fair point. You can’t rely on others to boost your mood without at least reaching out yourself. That’s something I wasn’t doing. Though in my defense, I didn’t know how. Another skill I’ve gotten better at over time. By now, those people I couldn’t mix with have become casual friends. Not close, but not strangers, either.

And then there’s the factor of time itself. In many ways, my life is in a better place now than it used to be. That’s made a difference. I have had fun drinking in recent years, with family or closer friends. People whose company I value. It hasn’t all been doom and gloom.

But even now, it happens. I drink and I get depressed. I’ve finally come to accept it.

I’m just not a happy drunk.

I used to think alcohol helped you let go of your problems, to have fun and embrace the moment. And I suppose it does in the right context, with the right people, to the right person. I can be that person – sometimes.

But for myself, I’ve developed a different model.

I think there’s a framework in my head. Like a weave, or scaffolding. This is what orders my thoughts, keeps things in perspective, lets me see the beauty in life. When I drink it becomes less rigid. The joints bend, the knots loosen. I start to feel free.

But nudge it the wrong way and it falls to pieces.

The challenge, then, is keeping the frame in place. A little freedom is fine, but I need my inhibitions. For whatever reason, I go to dark places without them. And I’ve been down that rabbit hole enough times to say that it gets dark indeed.

I do drink socially. It can be fun. It makes me a better singer, at least.

But I would never drink alone. And I can’t see myself ever becoming an alcoholic. I know by now that whatever my problems, drinking would only make them worse. Even if it’s fun for others –

It’s not always fun for me.

So how about you? What’s your relationship with alcohol?

Mind Games: Fundamental Attribution Error

Hey everybody.

So today’s post is the start of a new series. Something like Random Thoughts, but with a more psychological bent. Mind Games is about what goes on inside our heads. The moving parts, spinning gears, and those little bits that get stuck and jam up the machinery.

Mental processes, if you want the boring term.

Which interest me. I tend to ask ‘why’ questions, and one of the most important we can ask is why we act the way we do. Where, exactly, our mental strengths and weaknesses come from.

The strongest chains are those that shackle the mind.

Or armour it, depending. I talk a lot about imagination and creativity, the golden views and haunting melodies. But I am interested in the nuts and bolts, too.

First, credit where credit is due. I just read Gretchen Rubin’s The Happiness Project, in which the author devotes a year to active attempts to make herself happier* in every aspect of her life– family, marriage, finances, etc. It’s great stuff, full of insights and tidbits of knowledge and told in a conversational tone. Here’s her blog, and her Four Tendencies quiz. Apparently I’m an Obliger. Not entirely comfortable with that, but I can’t deny the description fits.

Those insights were the inspiration for this series. Not just because they’re interesting, but because I recognized many in myself. Some I’ve known about for ages. Others gave me an Oh moment.

You know. When you go, Ohhhhhhh.

That’s my term. All rights reserved.

So - our first entry is the fundamental attribution error. This is the tendency to underestimate the complexity of other people’s lives. To ascribe their actions to character, as opposed to circumstance.

Yeah, I didn’t get it either. Basically it means we often think other people are just ‘like that’, instead of having some kind of reason behind their actions – even though we ourselves always have reasons behind our actions.

For example, if that guy at work just walked past without saying hello, he’s rude. If I do it, it’s because I’m thinking about making up for that anniversary I forgot/a relative’s life-threatening illness/an infestation of giant cockroaches. Get it?

I’d never heard of this before, and reading of it was enlightening. Because I do this all the time. Deep down, my first reaction to these things tends to be that jerk this person is inconsiderate. Then I take a step back, and try to give them the benefit of the doubt.

Sometimes, anyway.

I found this interesting because…well. When dealing with others, we’re often reminded not to judge too quickly, but to have patience and understanding, right?

This is the science behind it. What more proof do you need?

So here’s your reminder.

That’s all for now. In the name of writing more frequent posts – once a month really isn’t that much, is it – I’m making them shorter, one or two topics at a time instead of a shotgun blast all at once. More credit given. You know who you are.

Unless I feel like writing something really, really long. Who knows.

*smiles innocently*

I’ll be back.

*Incidentally, I’ve just gotten something that makes me very happy – in an admittedly geeky way. But I’ll talk about that next time.