Time of Your Life

‘Suddenly the River swept round a bend, and the banks rose upon either side, and the light of Lorien was hidden. To that fair land Frodo never came again.’

- J.R.R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings



Forever is an interesting concept.

It’s an appealing idea, that something can live beyond us, timeless and unchanging. Everyone wants to believe in the golden glow of the afterlife, eternal sunshine and fields of flowers. In the ending that leads to something better. Everyone wants to believe the end isn’t really the end.

Because nothing lasts forever, does it?

Today I’m talking about goodbyes.

Life is all about change. We grow up, finish school, get a job and start a family – not necessarily in that order. Every new beginning is also the end of something else. So we say goodbye. It might just be for a little while. See you tomorrow, on Monday, in a week or two. Sometimes the parting is longer. See you in a month, after the holidays, next year.

And sometimes the goodbye turns out to be the last.

This is where nostalgia comes in. We long for the brighter moments of the past, forgetting all the hardship that went with them. We look back and wish we’d done things differently. If only we’d seen, if only we’d known, if only we’d had the courage. If only.

But this is how we learn – through experience. We know now because we didn’t know then. This is how we grow, day by day. When you’re young, the years crawl by, and it seems like time will go on forever. It doesn’t, of course. Time catches up with every one of us.

My grandfather passed away when I was thirteen. It was the first death in the family I’d known. We weren’t close, and looking back, I don’t think it made the impression it could have. There were other factors there. I spent my teenage years feeling directionless, always waiting on an uncertain future. Looking back, I regret not pushing myself to do more, learn more, acquire more skills. I just didn’t have the vision, the drive. There was nothing to push myself towards. And there was still time, after all. I was still young.

I am still young. But not as young as I used to be. None of us are. At some point, the river bends. Situations change. Relationships, no matter how much you want them, don’t always work out. The people you care about aren’t always going to be there. This year my uncle passed away, and my mother just had major surgery.

My grandfather had cancer. My uncle had cancer. Today I found out my mother has cancer too.

I guess it runs in the family.

We act as though we still have time, and the future goes on and on and on. Time to waste on trivial things, and take for granted the people who really matter. We act as though we’ll live forever. Maybe that’s the real tragedy.

I’m realizing now that sometimes next time means never. If you want something, go after it. I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again: don’t take anything for granted. Life is shorter than we think. You don’t want to only appreciate what you had after it’s gone.

That said, maybe the end carries lessons you would never have learned otherwise. Maybe something wasn’t working, and it’s better that it ended before it got worse. Maybe it was time. Because what if the end really does lead to something better? Maybe saying goodbye leads to hello again.

But not always. What we’re all afraid of is a simple, painful truth.

Sometimes the end is just the end.