Changes

With regret, I’m discontinuing my Random Thoughts.

Instead, I’m turning to shorter, more-or-less single subject posts. I’ve been meaning to increase my frequency for a while now, and it doesn’t take a genius to see how consolidating several subjects into 1000-word essays gets in the way of that.

But that’s not all! Just to organize things even further, I might as well make those labels actual categories: Books, Music, Movies, Video Games, and introducing Random – anything that doesn’t fit the first four.

And Personal, for anything referring to me personally. Duh.

I think that covers everything.

If you haven’t figured it out, I like order. I’m generally a tidy person. Figuratively and literally, I like fitting things into neat little boxes.

I remember taking a personality test years ago; one question stuck with me. Who would you admire more? Someone with the discipline to stick to a routine? Or someone who can adapt to any situation easily?

I chose the latter. Not to say discipline is easy. But like I said: boxes. I think in straight lines, as opposed to loops or zig-zags. I need time to adjust, to draw new lines. Being able to adjust to novelty on the fly…that’s cool.

But here’s the thing: life is all about changes. It’s important to recognize when the familiar isn’t working as well as it should, and when we should move on to something new. Which can be a lot harder than it sounds. We just have to believe things will turn out better than before.

I guess this serves as an example.

So yeah. That’s all for now.

*clears throat*

So long, and good night…



Bonus points if you can name the song.

Random Thoughts V

And now, joining us from a keyboard near you, the internet presents –

Me! Hi world!

*waves enthusiastically*

But you knew that already.

Okay, I’ll be frank. These opening lines are hard to come up with. What should I say to kick things off?

Winter is coming? Not where I live.

Use the Force? Believe me, I would if I could.

Expecto Patronum! I loved the idea of having a symbolic spirit animal. I’m pretty sure mine would be something with wings.

There. All of those seem appropriate. Why, you ask?

They’re completely random. Didn’t you see the title?

It’s time for some random thoughts.

So – I’ve just finished reading The Martian. 

In a not-too-distant future, Mark Watney is one of a crew of astronauts meant to spend a month on Mars. The mission is scrubbed due to a dust storm beyond anything NASA anticipated. As the team is heading for their ship, Watney is hit by debris and lost from view. The others are forced to abandon him. Everyone thinks he’s dead…

But he’s not.

Now, with limited supplies, Mark has to survive on Mars long enough for the next mission to come along and save him. Which will take years.

It’s a lost-in-space story, in other words. Things often get technical, dealing with physics, mathematics, chemistry and so on. All the knowledge you’d need to keep yourself alive on another planet. Clearly a lot of research went into this. On its own, I daresay it could even get dull.

But it doesn’t get dull – because the hero is anything but.

Mark Watney is a smart guy. His resourcefulness and ingenuity under pressure is impressive enough. But what makes him compelling is his personality. He’s funny.

He’s kind of a smartass, actually.

Despite the odds against his survival, he approaches it all with an irreverent sense of humour and gritty optimism. He doesn’t despair, even in situations where most people would be thinking, this is it. He figures things out. He keeps working, moving, progressing.

I liked that.

I used to have a thing for grim heroes. Those who rarely smile and struggle under their many burdens. The more lighthearted kind, I figured, were hopelessly cliché, a remnant of childhood. The serious ones were more realistic, more relatable. They were cool.

And they’re still cool. But now I see them both in a different light.

Heroism is the willingness to keep going despite the odds. Yes? I realize now that this includes your attitude. I used to think optimism was just part of someone’s character. Either you had it or you didn’t.

But it’s not that simple, is it? There’s a struggle there. Staying positive is harder than it looks.

I guess I’ve come full circle here. But the depth I once saw in brooding heroes, I now see in the smiling ones instead. It can be hard to keep smiling. And seeing someone do it, staying positive despite the odds – that’s inspiring. It makes you think that maybe you can do it too.

Mark Watney is that kind of hero.

Thus inspired, I even watched the movie. It’s not bad. Matt Damon does the character justice. But inevitably, his many challenges are streamlined. There’s a greater emphasis on the drama, less on the humour. What can I say? The book was better. Go read it.

Here’s the first chapter to get you started.

Next, character of a different kind.

A few years back, I came across a book called Waiter Rant: an expose of what it’s really like waiting tables for a living in the US. Adapted from his blog of the same name, the titular waiter was ranting about customers from hell. Naturally he hid all identities, his own included. Fake names for everyone.

Right, so his name’s Steve Dublanica. The book was a huge success. Kind of hard to keep yourself hidden after that. Apparently he was even featured on Oprah. I wouldn’t have known. I didn’t watch Oprah.

The details of the food and beverage industry alone were intriguing. What was this arbitrary ‘tipping’ business I kept hearing about? Over there, people can actually choose how much they want to pay you? What’s up with that?

But just as important was the author himself, speaking candidly about his own self-doubt, growing cynicism, and the knowledge that his was a job with no future. By his own admission, he could be kind of a jerk. But he was honest, and I liked that. I liked his voice.

Oh. I should explain. In creative writing, your voice is basically your own unique style/tone/methodology – sorry, it’s an elusive quality – developed through practice. Lots and lots of practice.*

Which he must have gotten through his blog. He’s still running it. No, he’s not a waiter anymore. His posts are now few and far between. But I just spent a few days reading the last few years’ worth, and that’s something I almost never do. He’s that good.

Go read this one, for his point of view on a famous parable. I have to admit, it makes sense. And this one, because it spoke to me on many levels. He’s right. We all have moments like that.

And this one, because I had to make an effort not to burst out laughing over it in public. Even now it cracks me up.

*contented sigh*

Yeah, I’m probably going to hell.

Thirdly – I’ve recently gotten a PlayStation 4. Secondhand, so relatively cheap. And I sold my last console to pay for it, which means that most of the money I spent on that years ago has gone towards this as well. Bottom line, it cost me far less than I ever thought possible. My inner child has been squealing with joy ever since. He still hasn’t stopped. Hey, quiet down in there.

Ahem.

The PS4 is Sony’s flagship video game console, of the eighth and current generation. For nearly twenty years, the console wars have been dominated by three companies: Sony, Microsoft and Nintendo. Of the current generation, in terms of both sales and technology, the PS4 is number one. It’s the best there is.

Now, I could go on and on about the amazing graphics**, technical capabilities, and many cool features. It supports Spotify! That’s just awesome.

But it also means something more than that.

See, over my many years of gaming, with a few exceptions – I’ve always been behind the times.

That is to say, I’ve (almost) never had the hardware for the newest games. I was always one or two generations behind. Not that that made a difference. Good games are good games, technical constraints notwithstanding. But there was always something better on the horizon.

Now I’ve reached the horizon. For the first time, I can actually play the newest games as soon as they’re released.

I’ve caught up.

Not that I could go on a shopping spree or anything. These things are expensive. But it's nice being on the cutting edge for once. One or two is more than enough.

Mass Effect: Andromeda, here I come.

Meanwhile, another cool feature of the PS4: it takes screenshots. Now I can write about this stuff and post my own pictures.

*grins*

Coming soon.

And lastly. How about some music?

Something different this time. Let’s go country.

Now in general, I’m indifferent to the genre. And to the singer, before or after she dropped her Disney-girl persona. But I like this song. It’s about parents, and hope for the future, and the ephemeral nature of childhood.

It’s a bedtime song. Fitting I guess, since I'm writing this at night, with rain outside my window. I like the rain at night. There's something comforting about it. This song gives me the same feeling.

It’s called ‘Butterfly Fly Away’.

* I think I’ve found mine. Though a writer’s voice is much more than this; assuming you know me, can you hear my actual voice making these stupid jokes and earnest observations and talking to you right now? 

*smirks* 

Yeah. I thought so too.

**Pretty. No, really. Pretttttty.

Down the Rabbit Hole

Told you I’d be back. Come with me if you want to live.

Anyone?

No one? Well, I was never into those movies anyway.

This post is again inspired by Gretchen Rubin. Her work is still foremost in my mind at the moment. Obligatory promo: go check out her blog. There. Promo over.

Now, today’s entry is a little more…sober…than usual.

One list of the author’s intrigued me: what she calls her Secrets of Adulthood. These aren’t just general truisms, but her own life lessons learned through experience. It’s ok to ask for help; the path to happiness doesn’t always make you feel happy; you can’t change children’s natures by nagging them; and so on. One featured in The Happiness Project struck a chord with me:

What’s fun for other people may not be fun for you, and vice versa.

Which seemed obvious at first. Not everyone is a bookworm, for instance. I’m rarely interested in sports. Then I realized that I have a more meaningful example.

I’m going to tell you a story.

I first started drinking in my teens. It was as much due to peer pressure as anything else. The effects confused me. Wasn’t this something people did for fun?

So why did it make me depressed?

The advice I got wasn’t all that reassuring – that when drinking, it’s important to control your emotions. Enjoy the moment. Think positive. I had two reactions: If drinking lowers your inhibitions, and I had to make an effort to think positive while drinking, did that mean I was already depressed?

And why make the effort anyway? I figured either you liked it, or you didn’t.

And I didn’t like it.

That is to say – I liked the adventure of it all. The clubs, the nightlife, being out most of the night. It was novel. It made me nervous, sure. This was all new territory, and I wasn’t exactly the most social person growing up. But looking back, I’m glad for the experience.

And there were good times, too. When the buzz, the setting and my mood lined up, and I caught myself having fun.

There were just more bad times than good ones.

Now, the science backs me up here. Alcohol is a depressant. It can exacerbate existing depression, or even cause it. I’m leery of saying I was depressed. But I did have low moments. And more often than not, drinking seemed to cause them.

I suppose the sensation could be compared to jumping off a cliff. A brief high of weightlessness, followed by plunging into the void.

Though there were other factors, too.

That bit about controlling your emotions? That’s true to a point. By now I’ve learned to regulate my mood to some extent. Mindfulness in general helps, as well as cutting off darker lines of thought. Telling yourself, I’m not going to go there. I am better at these things now than I used to be. It works – somewhat.

But do you see the problem here? Alcohol reduces your inhibitions. It lowers your control, which makes it that much harder to keep your mind in check.

Another, perhaps more important factor, was the company. During those early years, I was the tagalong. The people I drank with were nice enough, but I barely had anything in common with them. I felt like an outsider. I felt alone.

Which was partly on me. Though it stung, a lesson I’ll always remember was the time someone told me – I paraphrase – I know you feel left out. But why don’t you join in?

It’s a fair point. You can’t rely on others to boost your mood without at least reaching out yourself. That’s something I wasn’t doing. Though in my defense, I didn’t know how. Another skill I’ve gotten better at over time. By now, those people I couldn’t mix with have become casual friends. Not close, but not strangers, either.

And then there’s the factor of time itself. In many ways, my life is in a better place now than it used to be. That’s made a difference. I have had fun drinking in recent years, with family or closer friends. People whose company I value. It hasn’t all been doom and gloom.

But even now, it happens. I drink and I get depressed. I’ve finally come to accept it.

I’m just not a happy drunk.

I used to think alcohol helped you let go of your problems, to have fun and embrace the moment. And I suppose it does in the right context, with the right people, to the right person. I can be that person – sometimes.

But for myself, I’ve developed a different model.

I think there’s a framework in my head. Like a weave, or scaffolding. This is what orders my thoughts, keeps things in perspective, lets me see the beauty in life. When I drink it becomes less rigid. The joints bend, the knots loosen. I start to feel free.

But nudge it the wrong way and it falls to pieces.

The challenge, then, is keeping the frame in place. A little freedom is fine, but I need my inhibitions. For whatever reason, I go to dark places without them. And I’ve been down that rabbit hole enough times to say that it gets dark indeed.

I do drink socially. It can be fun. It makes me a better singer, at least.

But I would never drink alone. And I can’t see myself ever becoming an alcoholic. I know by now that whatever my problems, drinking would only make them worse. Even if it’s fun for others –

It’s not always fun for me.

So how about you? What’s your relationship with alcohol?

Mind Games: Fundamental Attribution Error

Hey everybody.

So today’s post is the start of a new series. Something like Random Thoughts, but with a more psychological bent. Mind Games is about what goes on inside our heads. The moving parts, spinning gears, and those little bits that get stuck and jam up the machinery.

Mental processes, if you want the boring term.

Which interest me. I tend to ask ‘why’ questions, and one of the most important we can ask is why we act the way we do. Where, exactly, our mental strengths and weaknesses come from.

The strongest chains are those that shackle the mind.

Or armour it, depending. I talk a lot about imagination and creativity, the golden views and haunting melodies. But I am interested in the nuts and bolts, too.

First, credit where credit is due. I just read Gretchen Rubin’s The Happiness Project, in which the author devotes a year to active attempts to make herself happier* in every aspect of her life– family, marriage, finances, etc. It’s great stuff, full of insights and tidbits of knowledge and told in a conversational tone. Here’s her blog, and her Four Tendencies quiz. Apparently I’m an Obliger. Not entirely comfortable with that, but I can’t deny the description fits.

Those insights were the inspiration for this series. Not just because they’re interesting, but because I recognized many in myself. Some I’ve known about for ages. Others gave me an Oh moment.

You know. When you go, Ohhhhhhh.

That’s my term. All rights reserved.

So - our first entry is the fundamental attribution error. This is the tendency to underestimate the complexity of other people’s lives. To ascribe their actions to character, as opposed to circumstance.

Yeah, I didn’t get it either. Basically it means we often think other people are just ‘like that’, instead of having some kind of reason behind their actions – even though we ourselves always have reasons behind our actions.

For example, if that guy at work just walked past without saying hello, he’s rude. If I do it, it’s because I’m thinking about making up for that anniversary I forgot/a relative’s life-threatening illness/an infestation of giant cockroaches. Get it?

I’d never heard of this before, and reading of it was enlightening. Because I do this all the time. Deep down, my first reaction to these things tends to be that jerk this person is inconsiderate. Then I take a step back, and try to give them the benefit of the doubt.

Sometimes, anyway.

I found this interesting because…well. When dealing with others, we’re often reminded not to judge too quickly, but to have patience and understanding, right?

This is the science behind it. What more proof do you need?

So here’s your reminder.

That’s all for now. In the name of writing more frequent posts – once a month really isn’t that much, is it – I’m making them shorter, one or two topics at a time instead of a shotgun blast all at once. More credit given. You know who you are.

Unless I feel like writing something really, really long. Who knows.

*smiles innocently*

I’ll be back.

*Incidentally, I’ve just gotten something that makes me very happy – in an admittedly geeky way. But I’ll talk about that next time.

Random Thoughts IV

Hello, audience. Today I’ll be talking about the intersection of old and new. 

In other words, my usual mix of eclectic subjects tenuously tied together. No problems with that, right?

I didn’t think so.

So here we go!

I found a fantasy novel in the library the other day. I know, big surprise. But this one’s a little different. It’s set where I live.

Well, not exactly where I live. But close enough. Iban Dream is set in the Bornean rainforest, a tale of a boy raised by gentle orangutans but destined for war. Over time, young Bujang grows into a man, meeting various animals, spirits and gods on his adventures. This is a glimpse of a time when man was only one more denizen of the jungle.

And it was all so familiar.

The hornbills, sun bears, reticulated pythons and so on are animals I literally see almost every day. This isn't my tribe – Hi, Sarawakians – but many of the terms are words I know. Heck, I even recognized some plants. And I'm not a plant person.

I wonder if this how someone in Europe might feel reading the Brothers Grimm – looking up and seeing how the fairytale world is a reflection of their own. No doubt the feeling gets old fast. But it’s still new to me. Fantasy novels based on this part of the globe are, well, a novelty.

The book can be quite graphic. This is a story about headhunters, make no mistake. The descriptions of jungle settings and elaborate rituals can be slow. But I do recommend the book for its flavour and authenticity. The author is an Iban herself. Local writers for the win.

Moving on, to a galaxy far, far away.

Episode VII: The Force Awakens was pretty good. I saw it twice, which, when it comes to me and movies, has a 6.3% chance* of happening. Though it didn't exactly reinvent the franchise. My only surprise was upon learning Kylo Ren was Han Solo’s son. I was betting on Luke. The Death was tragic and all, but you could see it coming a mile away. 

Looking back, most of what I said before was right. Though those weren't very hard guesses to make.

But anyway. In the movie’s wake, I was a bit more partial to the previous entries. Which leads to my second book of the day – the official novelisation for Episode III: Revenge of the Sith.

I’m pretty sure I first stumbled onto Star Wars through books. Back when I was half my current height, I remember reading about the original trilogy in the library, only seeing it years later. I think? This was a long time ago, in a galaxy…oh wait, I’ve already used that line. Never mind. You get the idea.

I’ve also seen the other trilogy, known for its many flaws.

The prequels are disliked for good reason. Too much CGI; stories mired in politics; stilted dialogue; an awkward romance. Why would Padme fall for Anakin? While Episode III did improve on I and II, all of those issues remain. The action was cool, the ending tragic. That’s the best I can say for it.

The book is something else entirely.

Matthew Stover’s novelisation is a shining example of how books can bring characters to life – you see the world through their eyes. Obi-Wan is revealed to be a true Jedi Master, skilled yet humble, ever at one with the Force. Anakin’s outward confidence belies an inner storm of fear and self-doubt. Padme, Yoda, even Count Dooku gain greater depth once we get inside their heads.

Though I can’t be bothered to re-watch the movie to compare, I suspect the plot makes more sense in the novel, simply because all these viewpoints and motivations are laid bare. The crucial Why? is answered in ways the movie simply cannot match.

The writing isn’t bad, either.

‘The skies of Coruscant blaze with war.’

It’s interesting enough on a macro level. The Clone Wars are drawing to a close. On the eve of victory, the Jedi learn too late what we knew all along: that Supreme Chancellor Palpatine, leader of the Republic, is in fact Darth Sidious, the shadowed hand behind the Separatist rebellion – the man who would become the Emperor. It was all a game he played from both sides. The Jedi fought and died for nothing; the survivors were scattered over battlefields throughout the galaxy, surrounded by clone armies which, at a preconditioned order, would turn on them. Thus the Jedi fell, and the Empire rose.

As you might have guessed – this was the revenge of the Sith. 

Though stellar writing can’t hide how the second act drags, it is intriguing to watch Palpatine manipulate Anakin Skywalker.

Because at the end of the day, this is Anakin’s story. How an unstable young man spiraled into madness, becoming a monster who betrayed his mentors, massacred the Jedi, and caused the death of the woman he loved.

This is the story of Darth Vader.

After their fateful duel, Obi-Wan leaves Anakin crippled and burned. The movie ends with the Emperor encasing him in the iconic dark armour. Here’s that scene for reference. It's not bad, really.

Now here’s that same scene shown another way. I own nothing, all rights to the right people, etc.

***

‘This is how it feels to be Anakin Skywalker, forever.

The first dawn of light in your universe brings pain.

The light burns you. It will always burn you. Part of you will always lie upon black glass sand beside a lake of fire while flames chew upon your flesh.

You can hear yourself breathing. It comes hard, and harsh, and it scrapes nerves already raw, but you cannot stop it. You can never stop it. You cannot even slow it down.

You don’t even have lungs anymore.

Mechanisms hardwired into your chest breathe for you. They will pump oxygen into your bloodstream forever.

Lord Vader? Lord Vader, can you hear me?

And you can’t, not in the way you once did. Sensors in the shell that prisons your head trickle meaning directly into your brain.

You open your scorched-pale eyes; optical sensors integrate light and shadow into a hideous simulacrum of the world around you.

Or perhaps the simulacrum is perfect, and it is the world that is hideous.

Padme? Are you here? Are you all right? You try to say, but another voice speaks for you, out from the vocabulator that serves you for burned-away lips and tongue and throat.

“Padme? Are you here? Are you all right?”’

I’m very sorry, Lord Vader. I’m afraid she died. It seems in your anger, you killed her.

This burns hotter than the lava had.

“No…no, it is not possible!”’

***

The irony of it all is that premonitions of her death were what drove Anakin to the dark side – to save her. Instead…

***

‘You killed her.

You killed her because finally, when you could have saved her, when you could have gone away with her, when you could have been thinking about her, you were thinking about yourself…

It is in this blazing moment that you finally understand the trap of the dark side, the final cruelty of the Sith –

Because now your self is all you will ever have.

And you rage and scream and reach through the Force to crush the shadow who has destroyed you, but you are so far less now than what you were, you are more than half machine, you are like a painter gone blind, a composer gone deaf, you can remember where the power was but the power you can touch is only a memory, and so with all your world-destroying fury it is only droids around you that implode, and equipment, and the table on which you were strapped shatters, and in the end, you cannot touch the shadow.

In the end, you do not even want to.

In the end, the shadow is all you have left…

And within your furnace heart, you burn in your own flame.

This is how it feels to be Anakin Skywalker.

Forever.’

So you see how books can be better than movies?

Even when the movie came first.**

But okay. Maybe we should move on to something more lighthearted.

While wasting time on browsing social media the other day, I came across the Awkward Yeti: a comic series starring Lars, the titular yeti; his cynical brain; carefree heart; and various other internal organs (among other things) personified.

The main trio was inspired by Freud’s concept of the ego, super-ego and the id – the cartoonist studied psychology. Basically he’s poking fun at various mental and physical processes. And it's hilarious.

So what are you waiting for? Go check him out. Go, go. I’ll wait.

Back?

And now something a little more epic. Like video games.

Final Fantasy is one of the biggest RPG franchises in gaming history, going back before I was born. The name itself was once synonymous with quality. Lacklustre entries in recent years have changed that, but Square Enix is hoping to revitalize the series with their latest title, Final Fantasy XV.

I’m not sold on the driving element.*** But I do admit – that teleportation mechanic is the coolest thing ever.

Ahem.

The fifteenth instalment makes notable changes. Shifts from turn-based battle systems to real-time combat, and linear environments to an open-world format are intended to make this a modern Final Fantasy. 

Old-school fans might not agree, and that’s the point. The series was being held back by its own traditions.

Which is understandable. Nostalgia holds weight. A lot of people grew up with these games, myself included. 

But all things change eventually.

Which leads me to music. 

Bands evolve over the years. It's only natural. Skill and style improve, to the point where new content sounds markedly different from the old. Not bad, but different.

I'm looking at you, MCR. Things were never the same after The Black Parade.

But that's not always the case.

Simple Plan was the first band I ever liked. Way, waaaaay back in my early teens, 'I'm Just A Kid' was my anthem. 'Perfect' is still one of my go-to songs for karaoke. Yet somehow I never got around to checking out their newer albums. Until now. And I was pleasantly surprised to find they actually, kind of sound the same.

Not exactly the same. All the angst and lyrics addressed to parents have been toned down (somewhat). But it's still recognizably them. New tracks, but the same sound. The same feeling, if that makes sense. Songs that sound both new and old.

Like this one.

Don't read too much into the lyrics. It's just a great song.

Though then again...

Lastly, here's a sunset. Just because I like this picture, and the memories that came with it. 

Now and then, at least -

*smiles*

Everyone needs a getaway.

*This statistic is not backed by any research at all. Sounded nice, though, didn't it.

**I should probably explain that the Emperor is lying, manipulating him even now. Though Anakin did choke her into unconsciousness, obviously, Padme survived long enough to give birth to Luke and Leia. After which she died from a broken heart. Having lost the will to live. Or something. It's not clear, and unfair to the character. Blame George Lucas. 

But it can still be considered Anakin's fault.

***It's interesting to note that, in another departure from the series so far, FFXV draws much inspiration from present day. An early tagline for the game was 'a fantasy based on reality'.

Imagine/Inspire

I’m back, readers.

No, please, the applause is welcome. Don’t be shy. I know you missed me.

*dodges thrown fruit*

Now look at that splatter. The stagehands will have to clean that up, you know.

But then, the place is getting musty, isn’t it. I only ever come here to talk to you all. Maybe I need to invest a little more time on renovations.

*peers around the stage*

Yes, this would all look so much better new and improved. You know what?

It’s time for a makeover.

All right, fun and games aside, this is just a quick post to explain how I’m revamping the blog. The existing labels work well enough for navigational purposes. But unifying themes are lacking. I'm changing that.

From now on, all posts will fall under two primary categories. Simple, yes? I know what you’re thinking, but these two aren’t in opposition. They complement one another. Like peanut butter and bananas. Strawberries and chocolate. Milk tea and anything.

*steeples fingers*

That said, the duality still pleases me.

So – under the first category will be posts which will make you Imagine. I admit, this is casting a very wide net, including books, movies, music, video games, anime, Star Wars, my own stories, etc. Basically all things bright and fantastic. Or gritty and realistic, as the case may be. Content which I hope will give you a glimpse of worlds beyond this one and feelings beyond the ones you’re feeling now. In a good way, of course.

The second category is for posts that are meant to Inspire. These will have a more focused message, where I talk about life – what I’ve learned and how and why. They might not always be upbeat, though I’ll usually end on a positive note. Just the other day, I was reminded that honesty can also be inspirational. It shows others fighting the same battles that they are not alone.

I do have a habit of pulling lessons out of stories, or using stories to illustrate lessons. Occasional posts might be marked as both – like this one. But most will be one or the other.

Questions?

Yes, you, in the third row. How will this affect how you view the blog?

It won’t, really. A rose by any other name – is still a rose. Fancy new titles aren’t going to change my writing. And yes, I just compared my writing to roses. For you.

*dodges more fruit*

Ha! Missed.

But seriously. The writing won’t change, but I’m hoping your impression of the blog will.

You see, I started Black Wings in Bright Skies as a way to improve my writing. That still applies. But by now, it’s grown into something more. Looking back, I realize I keep coming back here for two reasons. You can probably guess what they are.

I want to talk about imagination, in all its myriad forms. The songs and stories and imagery that are so good, you can’t help wondering, someone really made this up? And of course, someone did. Even now, the heights of human creativity amaze me.

And I want to be a source of inspiration. The same way so many other writers have inspired me.

I thought I might as well make that official.

Thanks for reading. More posts coming soon, lame jokes and all. So long, farewell, to you and you and you…

*bows and smiles*

Until next time.

I'm That Old, Really?

So here we are.

I turned 25 today. 

It's hard to articulate everything I feel about that. But I'll try.

I've talked about the vagaries of memory before. The defining moments of my childhood burn as bright as ever. But there's an increasing sense of unreality. I look back and think, was I really that - that - 

*pauses to find the right word*

Innocent. Could I have ever been so innocent?

And of course, the answer is yes. I was. We all were, at some point or other. But the moments keep coming. All through adolescence and burgeoning adulthood, billions of turning points, pinpoints of joy and sadness, anger and fear, chances seized and others lost. It goes on and on. We can only look back to the early days and wonder, what the hell happened?

And the answer is - 

Well, what else could I say?

We grew up.

Funny, then, how I don't feel like a grown-up. Does anyone? 

I really just feel like me. Not so different from the me I was last year, or the year before that. Just with more experience. Twenty-five years' worth, today.

It's hard to say what all that experience adds up to. If only I could extract the sum of all my lessons learned, and shape it into a little ball of wisdom to be tossed at whoever needs it. Here, catch.

There's any number of things it would contain. Life won't always be how you expect it to be. Sometimes you get what you want and find you never really wanted it. Every failure has something to teach you. 

I could go on there - but I don't want to. Not today.

It's tempting to dwell on the past, to relive the good parts and condemn the bad. You can just as easily get caught up in the future, basking in the glow of a golden Tomorrow. Both have their merits, don't get me wrong. But at some point, you have to realize that there is only ever now. I think that might be the most important lesson of all.

What? You ask. That's it? Twenty-five years and that's the best you've got?

Pretty much. Doesn't seem like a lot, does it. 

But the small things matter. Seconds are small things, and if you add up enough of those they become your entire life.

Okay, okay, that's based on a Wheel of Time quote. I couldn't resist.

But see what I mean? My life, and your life, and all of our lives only ever happen right now - in the moment. See the moment? Too late! It's gone. Here's another. 

And another, and another, and another.

All our lives are a chain of moments. We look ahead to the links not made and back to the ones that came before. 

But right now is when we live.

So I guess the most important thing I've learned is to treasure these moments. They won't always seem like much. But they move so fast, one after the other, until suddenly years have gone by. 

Someday I'll look back at myself now and be amazed that I don't know what I will then. Those moments haven't come yet. They're on their way. Some have passed in the time it's taken you to read this.

I wouldn't worry about it too much, though. You'll still be you, and I'll still be me.

*smiles*

Just with more experience.